Diomande's letter to his late sister: "Since you died, I’m just blank. It’s like I’m not even human"

It is often said that losing a sibling is among the most painful situations a person can go through. And you don’t need to experience it yourself to understand that.

Life brings hardship, and only the strongest are able to endure it. Yan Diomande is one of them.

One of the most exciting young prospects in football, and a player now on the radar of Europe’s biggest clubs, suffered a devastating heartbreak last year when he lost his 15-year-old sister, Roxane.

It was a blow he will never fully recover from, but also one that continues to drive him forward. Everything he does on the pitch is for her, with the aim of fulfilling their shared dreams.

In an article for The Players' Tribune, Diomande opened up about the tragedy that struck him, writing it as a letter to Roxane.

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"Dear Roxane,"

"Remember when somebody bought me a fake United jersey, and I wrote Ronaldo 7 on the back with the black marker?"

"We didn’t know rich or poor. We just knew happiness."

"Remember 25 people sleeping in one house back in Abidjan? Mum wanted to watch her soap operas. Everyone else wanted to watch movies. Remember how I always used to fake like I was asleep and then go into the TV room after midnight? I’d put the TV on real low. Just like 2 volume bars. I’d watch football in the dark and dream."

Football has always been part of Diomande's life. However, as much as the young Ivorian loved the game, it brough both joy and hardship - memories he'll never forget.

"Remember when the adults saw me playing football in the dirt and nicknamed me “Roberto Carlos” because of how hard I would shoot? And remember how I was secretly so mad about it, because CR7 was my idol?"

"Remember when I went to play so far from home? I was 9 years old. Inter Foot Sud Comoé, all the way near the Ghana border. Just a little boy on his own. I don’t know if I ever told you this story, but me and the other kids used to go into the village and steal potatoes because we were so hungry."

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"We did a “bank heist.” Two kids distracting the shop owner, and 18 other kids running out with two potatoes. They weren’t even good. But they tasted amazing. Hahahah. It’s still my favorite thing to eat. Boiled potatoes with some oil. It reminds me of those times."

"Remember when I got my first real football boots, and I used to sleep with them? Growing up, I always played in those white plastic sandals. Even when I go back home now, I still play in them. It’s our tradition."

Even in those moments of desperation, when he himself may have doubted his future, one person never stopped believing in him. It was Roxane. She was there through the lows, and also through the highs.

"Remember when I would come back home, and you would tell my friends from the neighborhood, “Why did you stop training? Yan is not going to buy you cars. You have to keep working.”

"You were 10 years old, and already my agent."

"Remember how we used to sit and dream about moving to France? How we were going to go shopping and get our own apartment and I was going to be a rich footballer with cars and a big house, and you wouldn’t have to worry about nothing. You were the one who always believed that I could be the next Cristiano, when everybody else laughed."

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"Remember when I moved to America for high school at 15, and I was so homesick? I didn’t know what anybody was saying for months."

"Remember when they took me on trial at Bournemouth? At Chelsea, Rangers, Olympiacos, Crystal Palace? Eze and Olise even came up to me after one training and said, “Yo kid, you’re really good.”

"But they still didn’t sign me."

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"Even the B teams in the MLS didn’t want me. I didn’t even know why. They never gave me a reason. The adults handled everything. They just kept taking me all around Europe, and everybody kept saying no."

"My visa was up. My dream was over. They sent me back to Africa, and we cried together."

"You were the one who never stopped believing. A few weeks later, I signed for Leganés and we cried different tears."

"That was back when I used to have emotions."

Tears that will totally vanish from Diomande's life the day he lost his rock and biggest supporter. He still vividly remembers the day that changed his life.

"Now, I don’t feel anything. It’s like I’m not even human. Since you died, I’m just blank."

"I don’t even think I shed a tear the day they told me that you were gone. I was just in shock."

"It was a few weeks after I made my debut for Leganés. Who makes their debut at 18 against Real Madrid? It was too crazy. It was a dream."

"And then it was a nightmare. Someone kept calling me from back home. I was annoyed. I didn’t understand why they kept calling me."

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"I picked up, and they didn’t even soften it. You know how it is back home. No emotions. Just……."

“Your sister is gone.”

“What?”

“She died.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Somebody put something in her drink at a party, and she never woke up. She is gone.”

"You were 15."

"15."

Experiencing the death of a sibling at such a young age can be devastating. Still, Yan had only one goal in mind: to make his sister proud.

"I never got any answers. I don’t know if I want to know why. Maybe it was jealousy. Maybe it’s just something that happens in our country. Maybe I could have protected you. I don’t know."

"I try to trust God’s plan. It’s all I can do. I don’t try to forget, because I know I won’t forget. All I can do is use the pain to work harder, and to do everything we dreamed about."

"I wrote this because I can’t speak about it. I wrote this because I want you to know that I will make sure that you live on. I will make sure that everybody knows your name. The whole world."

"Everything I do on a football pitch, it’s for you."

Now, Diomande has made it. He's a young football star and the whole world knows who he is. Sadly, the person who believed this day was going to come isn't there to see it.

"So much has happened since I last saw you…… You would not even believe it. I don’t know if I believe it.

"You know what’s crazy? After my debut against Madrid, I actually swapped shirts with Mbappé. Remember when we used to watch him on TV, and you’d say, “Mbappé? Yeah, he’s good. But my brother is better.”

Yan Diomande shaking Kylian Mbappe's hand, playing for Leganes against Real Madrid (©Maria Gracia Jimenez/Soccrates/Getty Images/Gallo Images)

"I didn’t want a big house. I didn’t want cars. I just wanted to put everything into football. Everything to show the world that my sister was right."

"The pitch is the only place that I feel at home anymore. It’s the place where I feel calm, and I can speak to you. I just wish you were still here so I could tell you….. We did it."

"Everything you said came true."

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His success at club level has now translated to the international stage, with Diomande included in Ivory Coast’s 26-man World Cup squad. He knows his sister would be proud of him.

"Your brother is going to play for Côte d'Ivoire, like Drogba, like Yaya, like Gervinho."

"I don’t even look at it like a game. I look at it like a stage. This is my chance to show the whole world what you saw in me. Every time I score, I’ll make sure everybody knows your name. I’ll make sure they don’t forget you."

Yan Diomande celebrates a goal for RB Leipzig, eyes raised to the sky, to his late sister (©Sebastian Widmann/Getty Images)

"You always said that I could be better than Cristiano. If I see him there, I’ll tell him hello for you."

"I’m going to do what you predicted, I swear. Before I even had real boots, you were telling everybody, “My brother is going to be the greatest in the world.”

"I will prove that you were right, or I will die trying."

"Your brother,"

"Yan."

Sometimes, we only see the surface - the nice car, the fancy clothes, the smile after a goal. But things are rarely what they seem.

Ivory Coast beat Ecuador 1-0 in their World Cup opener. Diomande played and shone, but didn't score. He may in the following games against Germany and Curacao.

And if he does, his family, his fans, the Elephants' supporters in the stands and back home, the whole of Ivory Coast - everyone will celebrate. Even he will raise his arms in ecstasy, while smiling to his teammates running towards him.

Only he will know the pain and tears hiding behind that smile. But he'll hide them like he always does.

He'll grit his teeth and keep doing what he does best.

For Roxane.

WORLD CUP - GROUP STAGE (ROUND 2)

Group E

Saturday 20.06.

23.00: (1.58) Germany (4.00) Ivory Coast (5.90)

Sunday 21.06.

03.00: (1.12) Ecuador (9.50) Curacao (19.0)

***odds are subject to change***