Suicide due to racist abuses: "I am ashamed of being a black guy."

Racist abuses are not slowing down, in fact, they are progressing and things are getting out of control. The public ’cry’ for more control of over social media accounts when it comes to racist abuse didn’t made an inpact. In fact, even the „Black life matters“ kneel before the games is being mocked more and more, with some clubs already decided to stop doing it all together. And what about the abuses in everyday lives? They are not seen publicaly like on social media accounts, but they are far more dangerous and sinister. Another tragedy happened, this time in Italy, over racist abuses.

The lifeless body of the former AC Milan youth player Seid Vision (20) was found in his apartment on Friday. Cause of death was not known, until a suicide note was revealed and the explanation was shocking and heartbreaking.

Visin didn’t have a pleasant life. He was born in Ethiopia and adopted by a couple from Nocera Inferiore before moving to Milan, where he played in the lower categories of the ‘rossonero’ team, and shared a dressing room with current Milan captain Ginno Donnarumma. He had also played at Benevento, but he retired from football in 2016 to return home in Campania, where he played five-a-side football with Atletico Vitalica.

Fred racially abused on Instagram after Man Utd's defeat to Liverpool

His suicide note reveals how Visin was loved and appreciated but thing started to deteriorate in recent times, coming to the point where he had to quit his job because "people refused service by me“. The note also reveals that Visin tried to blend in, even if it meant telling bad jokes about black people. It didn’t work.

“Wherever I go, wherever I am, I feel the weight of the sceptical, biased, disgusted and frightened glances of people. I am not an immigrant, I was adopted when I was a child and I remember everybody used to love me. Everywhere I went, everybody was talking to me with joy, respect and curiosity. Now it seems that everything has turned upside down. I had been able to find a job which I had to leave because too many people, especially the older ones, refused service by me. As if I was not already not feeling at ease, they accused me of being responsible because many young (and white) Italians were not able to find a job.

Something has changed inside me. It’s like I am ashamed of being a black guy as if I was afraid of being considered an immigrant. It’s like I had to prove to people who did not know me that I was just like them. Italian and white. I used to make bad jokes about black people to show that I am like them, but it was fear. Fear for the hate that I saw inside people’s eye looking at immigrants.

I don’t want people to be sorry for me, I just want to remind myself that the hardship and suffering that I am experiencing is a drop of water compared to the ocean of suffering experienced by those who prefer to die instead of leading an existence in misery and hell. Those people risk their lives, some of them lost it already, just to taste what we simply call life” says in a suicide note.